Nearly Normal
Existing in the weird stage of raising kids while caring for aging parents
I am part of the Sandwich Generation
“Seriously, you have to press the start button on the dryer when you put the clothes in the dryer!” I yell at my teenagers as I open the door to the dryer to once again be met with a musty smell. I get it. Truly, neurodivergence and perimenopause runs wild in our home. Managing boring tasks is hard.
A few hours later, we arrive at the grandparents. We begin our visit but also the regular tasks; check the fridge to throw out rotting food, take out the trash, check the sinks and toilets to make sure they are clean. I open the door to the dryer to once again be met with a musty smell, “You have to press the start button on the dryer when you put the clothes in the dryer!” I yell at the grandparents. I try to understand. Cognitive decline and mobility decline runs wild in this home.
Life is Nearly Normal. Our children move closer and closer to independence everyday. Our parents move closer and closer to dependence everyday. It’s really a wild place to stand.
And so I’m part of the “Sandwich Generation”. I hate the term “Sandwich Generation”. It sound delicious and yummy. It’s sounds welcoming. It sounds like I’m the delicious filling squished between freshly baked bread. This sounds wonderful.
In reality, this stage feels wonderful and heartbreaking. Unlike this stage of my life, a sandwich has never broken my heart or caused me grief. This stage is Nearly Normal. It’s Nearly Normal to stand watching your small child clean up flipped furniture from when Grandma fell. Grandma caught herself on the edge of the table and the whole table flipped and all the items on the table went flying. I’m so proud to have raised helpful kids and I’m so scared that the fall is the beginning of the end.
Both things are true. It’s absolutely wonderful to have time to build memories and It’s heartbreaking.
Why this, why now
So many of my age group are in this space. However, most of us are so busy with all that life entails, there are not a lot of voices sharing this stage. We are too busy to share.
Also, it’s really hard to share the reality of this stage while also protecting the privacy of our parents and our kids. It’s really tricky to tell this story while the story is still being written.
But here’s a place to not be alone.
My dream community
I hope Nearly Normal becomes a place I share my life in snippets. As I said, it’s tricky to share this stage. Full disclosure, in some of my writing here the diagnosis and characters will be changed or kept vague to protect my family.
But I’d also love for readers to send me 1 or 2 sentences about their experience in this stage. I will then use those sentences to inspire a fictional poem or story.
Maybe your parent has let you know the day of they are having surgery. Or your child is learning to walk the same week you took your dad to get a walker. Maybe your parent thought investing their retirement fund in luxury cars was a great idea. Maybe the people in your life are navigating perimenopause and puberty and loss of urinary control all at the same time.
May we laugh at the wild unpredictable ride of this stage. May we cry at the slow grief of watching our loves change.